Apologies for the mildly offensive language; it’s just horse talk!
Scene: Tuesday afternoon ferry crossing from Ireland to the UK. Three horses are sharing a horsebox. Two from Gordon Elliott’s yard: Bless the Wings (BTW) and Synopsis (SYN) together with Bay of Freedom (BOF)
BTW: Who are you?
BOF: Bay of Freedom. I am in your race on Friday. Mr. Fahey arranged for me to come over with you guys. Are you Tiger Roll?
BTW You’ve got be joking. I am Bless the Wings and this is Synopsis. Apparently, the ‘wonderful’ Tiger Roll is ‘saving’ himself for March so can’t be arsed coming over this time
BOF That means you’ll be top weight.
BTW It’s the only way Jamie Codd would agree to ride me; he doesn’t do below 11:4 these days (158 pounds for American viewers)
SYN I am carrying even more weight in the earlier race; 12 stone
BOF. Shows what a poor race it is then. Is Mr. Elliott coming over?
SYN (A snort of derision) Yes, Gordie, as we call him, will be there.
BTW Hey, Syn, have we ever had a 40/1 shot in this horse box before?
SYN I very much doubt it. Perhaps, Gordie’s done it for our self esteem. Hey Bay, how many horses have you beaten in your last four races?
BTW Behave yourself Syn and treat our useless guest with more respect please. The answer is, let me see, ..yes, zero. Is that correct Bay?
BOF It is correct but it is misleading. I wasn’t feeling myself but now I am reinvigorated. I am much fitter than in November and we have been working on my stamina. What about you Bless? You were as fat as a pig in November
BTW Not any more Bay. I am primed to repeat my win from last year. Is your owner coming over from America?
BOF I am delighted to say he will not be there. Apparently, he is on vacation with his wonderful wife, Kim, in Barbados. He sent a photo of the view from their balcony. I have it here somewhere
BTW It looks like it’s pinned to your arse Bay. Give it here, I’ll pin it to mine and then you can look at it all the way around in the race!!
SYN As long as he’s got good eyesight, hey Bless?
BTW Or borrowed a pair of binoculars
BOF You two are a regular double act. Not only is Paul not coming but neither is Pete
BTW Surely you mean Mr. Fahey? What’s his excuse?
BOF No excuse. Just trying something different
SYN Either that or he’s got a runner at Dundalk!
BTW. How do you see the race BOF?
BOF I see you, Junction Fourteen and My Hometown going off at a crazy pace and only you being able to stay the 3m 6f. Unfortunately, you’re getting old and the ground isn’t really soft enough for you so you will just fade anyway.
BTW. Hmmmm, well you’re going to finish last so let me go from there. Ballycasey is the supposed class horse but he wouldn’t get 3m 6f in this or any other horsebox. That, and the fact he needs soft ground and he has never run on the course, makes me think he has no chance. That French horse, Amazing Comedy, ran well at the Festival in 2017 so he must have a chance but he also wants it softer and may not stay given the pace I will set.
SYN I think Josie’s Orders has an excellent chance
BTW Keep quiet please! We’ll ask you to summarize at the end, Synopsis!
BOF I think Josie’s Orders has an excellent chance
BTW Good point Bay. Can’t argue with that. As regards the rest, Full Cry didn’t seem to be enjoying it too much at Punchestown and Wounded Warrior was got rid of by the Gigginstown team recently. He still worries me a bit as he definitely stays but this ground and fences will be a whole new experience for him. That leaves Fact of the Matter who ran really well in November; he must be a danger.
BOF Agreed.
BTW So, then Synopsis, can you pull all of that together for us please?
SYN (Sulking) No! You never mentioned Vol Noir De Kerser so that will definitely beat you all.
The remainder of the crossing passed in total silence. The current plan is for these three new friends to travel back together on Friday night. What would you give to be a ‘fly in the horsebox’ for that conversation?